fab @ 40

fab @ 40? seems to be pretty ambitious project if you ask me, but my friend are so bent on it that even if i tried to bribe them with a gift of their choice for christmas, they shunned the idea in exchange of me giving in to their desires. so here i am, their guinea pig (no pun intended) for the next 4-6 months. they plan to get me real glammed and jaded by my 40th birthday, which will be on july 22nd.

the weigh in started yesterday, 190 pounds! i was 10 pounds away from 200!okay, i have to admit, i did let go of myself for quite a while now. the whole project does thrill me but i know that this is going to be a long journey ... it's a good thing i've got friends who are willing to help.

for starters, we have to cut down on the calorie intake. since i'm not really good in keeping up with the calorie counts, we're going to cut down on the main culprit, beef and pork. this was effective to me back in 1996, where i lost a good amount of weight. this is also an easy task for me since i'm not a meat lover as well, i'm not even that excited about burgers. anyway, just to be sure that i don't go crazy eliminating the meat from my diet, i'm allowed to eat only lean beef and lean pork once a week. the rest should be a mix of veggies, fish and of course my favorite, chicken. i'm also allowed to cheat on my diet once a week, which means i can eat friend chicken, breading, skin and all (wheee!!!).

second task would be physical activities. this is very important since i have a semi-sedentary lifestyle which requires me to sit for more than 9 hours at work. my activities would be a combination of swimming, during Mondays and Thursday, Hip Hop classes on Wednesdays and walking for 2 to 3 miles everyday. this is going to be a challenge for me since i leave the office at 12nn which means i'll be doing these activities in high noon. i'm still thinking of a way to compromise, especially with swimming. i might move my thursday to wednesday morning. but it would also mean i have to do 2 activities in one day (grr!) anyway, this will take effect on the 2nd week of january so i still have a week to work on my game plan. i have to condition my body first through walking exercises.

third task, the food journal. though i'm fond of writing, it's really ironic cause i can't keep up with my food journal, sometimes, i'd forget my journal and worst, i'd sometimes forget what i ate. one of my friends recommended that i write down my emotions i was feeling while i ate the food. haha! that would be kinda redundant since i often end up eating because i'm bored. they says knowing how you feel when you ate a certain food can help you understand your food intake a lot better. guess so ... i got my handy dandy notebook now and although i am writing down everything i ate, i haven't really considered writing down how i felt the time i ate those food.

well, these are the tasks i have to work on for now. i'm sure things will progress in the long run. i may sound as if i'm griping but i'm actually excited of the results. here's to a healthy lifestyle in 2010.

my place in this world

another day in an empty house. i am getting tired of this set-up already. i am no longer happy with this. i was once told to put my walls up again. i think i should. i still can't understand why i have to live alone. what's the point of having a family when i can't even be with them all the time.

"parang linya ng kerida" was the joke he pulled on me last night. it sounded funny but it does feel true. i am the other woman. i could never compete with my husband's mom and i really feel bad because right now, she's even becoming more of a mother to our children.

i wanna detach myself right now. i guess i'm just hoping too much. i have to believe that this is as far as we can go. i have to move on. i need to go on this road myself. besides, that's what i've been doing for the longest time now, i was just believing otherwise.

picture perfect?

ever since i was a kid i've always thought about falling in love. my perfect man would be someone who's not afraid of showing his love and affection to me, even in front of his friends and family. he should be someone who would be a good father to my children, and would raise them not just in father-child way but as best friends.

it took me awhile to find the man i want to be with. i guess, i was just making sure that i wouldn't end up like my dad and mom. for so many instances, i almost ended up marrying somebody whom i thought was right for me. but i would often back out.

i'm finally married, with wonderful children and a husband who fits my perfect man to the T. so why am i not happy? why do i feel lonely? i suppose it had something to do with me living by myself while my husband and children are living together. i suppose it's because i am not sure if we'll ever be together in one house again, or if we'll really ever be together again.

it's not that i don't trust him, or me,or our love. this isn't just how i imagined my family would be, my role as a mother and wife. people have been telling me that i shouldn't be asking too much, that life isn't always how you want it to be.

sometimes i would wonder if i'm being punished ... if he's still trying to get back at me for what hss happened to us before. there are times when i would even wonder if i am just wishful thinking. am i just overdoing it, that i am just trying to pretend that this is the perfect life with the perfect man and the perfect family. what if this isn't real?

all i wanted is a family someone to go home to every night, to talk to when i'm happy or sad, to cater to, to build my life with... am i asking too much?

Kris - in Love????

nope,these aren't my words ... it 's Kris's, but i was there while he was writing these lines. uh,you can say i was his critic (hehe!) it's quite unusual to see him write poems on the spot (although lately i do hear him humming some tunes). blame it on love??? nah! he's in denial lately but i think i know him better than that...

memories from past creeps in

bittersweet moments now haunting

a feeling i'm so scared of smiles at me

do i smile back and embrace it?

i've been scarred by u many times

so much that i've become numb

you come to me now with a hope

do i open myself and let u in?

kisses and touches, innocent prelude to lust

an old friend has returned and whispers

you found me at my weakest exploit

do i succumb and let myself be consumed?

will i? ...

yes ...

not that i need to ...

it's because i want to.

dead again...

The Cookie Didn't Crumble This Time

This season's American Idol is the best I've seen so far. Finally, after 6 seasons, the audience was able to distinguish talent from mere star potential. I've been watching the entire season. It was obvious at first that David Archuleta was the crowd favorite. Well, let's just say, the teen population in the US is a lot bigger than the rockers and alternative music lovers combined. But after watching the finale yesterday, it felt good to see the BEST winning the crown. The Cookie ruled!!!! For the first time, a rocker dude won the title.

I've always loved David Cook. His rendition of "Billy Jean" made me a complete Cookie fan. He first reminded me of Blake Lewis from last season. Unfortunately, after Blake's successful beat box version of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name", he turned out to be a disappointment, unable to duplicate his success from that one song. In David's case, he has been consistent. He never compromised his style and identity, even if it meant singing Mariah Carey's cutsie song "Always be my Baby". He definitely brought the house down that night. I was expecting something stronger, like "Hero" but he does know his music and knows how to get around it, even if he was singing a love song. He proved it again during the judge's choice for the Top 3. Simon's choice,"First Time I Ever Saw Your Face" by Roberta Flack, only proved that they were trying to sabotage David Cook. But he proved them wrong, never thought a slow sentimental song would sound good even in rock. As Simon has said, "Round one goes to Cowell and Cook".

Can't wait to see what season 8 has to offer.

The Commuter in Me

I am not an avid fan of public transportation. My definition of public transportation are limited to jeeps, provincial buses and taxis. I seldom leave my home base which is Makati. Living in Makati could make anyone a contended cow. It almost has everything so there's no point in going to another town or city.

Two weeks ago, I was forced to leave my comfort zone. I had to start a new job, in Cubao, of all places. Cubao is the first leisure/commercial area in Quezon City or QC. I used to live in QC and Cubao was one of the first to provide shopping malls and department stores in the Philippines. Unfortunately, it's at the other side of the map. Makati is considered the south side, QC would be the north side.

Taking a cab is not advisable. Besides the traffic that I may experience along EDSA, I would have to pay a pricey amount for cab fare. Just the other week, I came home late from a night out with my batchmates in training and although the streets were deserted, I still got to shell out 150 pesos for a trip back to Makati.

My best option is the MRT. My first MRT, or shall we say train experience, was in Hong Kong, where they call it MTR. There are some discouraging points though. One, I have to climb my way to the train station which is about 2 stories high. Then, I have to bear with the sea of people, trying to purchase their tickets. On bad days, I would be cramped sooooo much in a train that I don't have to hang on to the hand rail to prevent myself from falling while the train hits the brakes. But I eventually got the hang of it (no pun intended) like taking the elevator when it's available or buying a stored value card which could last me for a week. Yep, I'm still alive. Though I really have to allot like 1 1/2 hours for travel time at least, I don't look all stressed out when I reach my destination. You wouldn't see me catching the EDSA bus though. I'd rather pay 150 pesos.

Well, the worst is yet to come. I haven't experienced extreme rains, flooded streets and my worst fear of all, the MRT shutting down due to technical (or mechanical) problems (knock on wood!)

As for Cubao, it's not that bad. My route from the MRT station to the office includes going through the malls: Farmer's, Gateway and Shopwise ... a pleasure to the eyes for a mall rat like me.

Split Decision

Imagine what a split decision could make.2 weeks ago, I was in this very same room moaning and groaning in boredom. I made a quick decision to pack our bags and go home ... and that's what we did.

I settled in my house in Makati, uncertain on what's gonna happen next. My initial plan was to go to Eperf and finalize my exit. My feet brought me to Cubao instead. With no preparations at all, I faced the challenge of applying to the company I said I wouldn't work for. I love the job, it's the location that kept killing me. Thankfully, there was the MRT and what seemed like eternity to get to took me only 30minutes.

A week later, I was training for IP. First week brought too much pressure on me because there were a lot of expectations on someone who's been through the same job.

Last Friday's final assessment was gruesome - couldn't eat, had too much coffee and shivering the entire time. The pressure was at its peak. My mission then was to make it on the first try. Though I was expecting to be sent back for more training (because of my grammar and pronunciation slips), I convinced myself that I am good enough to be accelerated. No, not only good enough, I am one of the best who deserves to be accelerated. With that in mind, I brazened myself to war. Arms flying, talking at the top of my lungs ... being alone in the room helped a lot because I wasn't conscious of what I was going to do. I had a game plan, impress the Canadians - and that I did.

Second week of training now. More to come. PST's more on the technical stuff. Lots of keys to press, lots of protocols to remember ... just had to keep focused for 2 weeks and then i'll be off to the floor and that's when the "like riding a bike" happens.